So I'm sitting at the computer and my body doesn't want to be here, it wants to be cozied up in bed reading 'Breaking Dawn' (the final in the Twilight saga) but my head needs to write, to free itself of stuff, words ramblings, thoughts... whatever.
Im bored at the moment, I dont mean right this instant... I'm sipping on my yoghurt berry smoothie actually, and feeling rather content with a peaceful house and a warm bed waiting for me. No what I mean is that at this point in time say give or take a few months Im just bored, super busy but unstimulated.
I know a lot of other mums of pre-schoolers feel this way, and its hard to express it sometimes because you don't want to appear ungrateful. Kiddies, especially our own, are medicine for the soul. Their chubby fingers linking into your hand, a sloppy kiss from a one year old. I watched my two cherubs in the rear view mirror bobbing their heads in time with a Black Eyed Peas song today and it made my heart sing with love for them. The problem is that bringing up small children takes a shitload of time and energy.
I'll use this metaphor to get my point across - its like someone asking for a sip of your coke on a hot day and polishing off all but the warm dregs in the bottom of the bottle. That's the equivalent of what I feel is left for me at the end of each day and I feel a little ripped off sometimes.
I do believe it is the difficult, challenging times in life that refine us, make us who we are and give us strength of character. I will hold onto that belief as my head hits the pillow exhausted by 8pm tonight and remember that again when I feel a tap on my cheek at 5.45am followed by an angelic voice saying 'Mummy up now?'
So today I'm not writing a list of "How to have more Me Time" or "Sanity Saving Tips for Mum" I'm just thinking out loud, after all this blog "Mummy Memoirs" is about motherhood, highs and lows included.
i so no what you mean. its nice to here another mum talk about it and no im not the only one that feels like this at times. even when my kids are at their dads i still feel my day is filled up with kid duties. their washing changing their beds planning meals for the week. doin baking for their lunches. but this weekend im goin to make time for me when they are away well that is the plan.
ReplyDeleteIm feeling exactly the same at the moment. Bored but busy, exhausted but not ungrateful for the blessed life I have, the wonderful loving and dedicated husband and my beautiful baby boy. I do feel like I shouldnt express how Im feeling when Im in this place as you feel guilty but I would be nice to be stimulated in a different way. A way that challenges my intellect. I suppose Ive just adjusted to finally feeling like I have a handle on this mother thing vs not working any more.
ReplyDeleteTaryn